Saving Your Heart

Sometimes people fall in love but just meet at the wrong time period in their lives.

I think about this a lot with one particular guy Jacob. We were the two, the ones everyone shipped and no one except for the other girls that liked him too. Now in my life time it had been about 7 months since my mom died and his, he was starting to think about sex and jacking off all the time. I guess my struggles were a tiny bit harder than his. I was constantly running in the opposite directions even if I knew they loved me too much. And he was apart of that. I broke up with him 4 times because I was scared and didn’t want commitment but you weren’t as scared and wanted it. You said you didn’t like me for my body but I was pretty silly to actually believe it. Maybe there are good guys that don’t want me for my body. But I haven’t met any yet. I left him that final time because I was falling and so was he. And when you love someone you have to make sacrifices for them. I left him because I wasn’t good enough for him, I kissed his best friend in Jacob’s own house!  He didn’t deserve a girl like me going and ruining everything for him. But even now, 6 months after we’ve been over, I still love him and sometimes I still want him back, but I can’t have him, because I can’t say those 3 words to him. I just dont want him to say No.

365 days

Do you ever stop and think about how there are 6 billion people on the planet, and your 1 out of 6 billion? Well that’s a fact. People all around the globe go through highs and lows just like you. And do you ever stop to think there are 7 seas? Or 7 continent? Out of all this world, one person can change how you feel, how you present yourself, what you do as a job profession, what college you go to or even who you marry. Just one person can change your life and your emotions. If you were to stop and look how you’ve changed someones life and how you make someones day bright or gloomy, how your changing others lives around you. Simple words can break someones heart or spirit, but it’s up to you, you’re in control, so don’t let those simple words crash someone around you because it will happen right back at you.

The beginning of the end

It was a cold december night. About 42 degrees, I was walking down parkhaven avenue in a light pink crop top with very short booty shorts with my best friend wearing the exact same outfit. She wanted to got to a party so there we were walking to some strangers house. I could see the lights and hear the loud msuic from the end of the street. The house we were walking towards was misty yellow with a white trim. The stairs made a creak sound as I walked up them. Before we could open the door someone did for us, when the door opened a strong smell of liquor and weed rushed up my noes. Mira was looking for her boyfriend and I was looking for a decent place to sit. The house wasn’t big or small, but there was a lot of furniture. When Mira finally found her boyfriend, I watched them giggle as they ran upstairs. I decided to sit on the brown leather couch facing the window. I sat there about 5 minutes before anyone offered me a drink. I refused the first two but by the third I realized I was going to be there a while. I took of the mystery drink in the red solo cup, just like in the movies, and tasted it, it was definitely watered down bud light. I looked at my phone and read 12:09 am, I knew we needed to leave by 1 am if we didn’t want to get caught, so I walked upstairs and when I saw all the doors were closed and I could hear at least 5 girls moaning at the top of their lungs, I ran back downstairs. And went back to my little cushion on the brown leather couch. I looked at my phone again 12:16 am. I could feel the beer sloshing in my stomach because I never drank beer. A brownish-blond haired junior came and sat next to me. He looked into my eyes and smiled this creepy but kind of sweet smile. I smilied back. He told me to stop looking at the time and start having a good time. After he said that I looked around and all I could see was a ping pong table with 4 couples intensely making out and the two guys that did the beer chug competition sleeping on the floor. He kept staring at me. I started to think he was really drunk, so I stood up and walked passed him, but before I got 3 feet away from him, he grabbed me and put his hand over my mouth and dragged me into the bed room that was right next to the brown leather couch. I tried to get away, but he must have been a football player because he was big and strong. He unbuttoned my shorts. Tore of my crop top. And threw me on the queen size bed. I quickly closed my eyes, feeling his big meaty hands grab my sides and turn me over and slipping off my underwear, I just wanted to scream. He firmly grabbed my ass and didnt seem to care if it hurt me or not. I was laying there at least 4 minutes before he entered his dick in me. As soon as I felt it a tear went down my face, with the vigorous in and out I was sobbing harder than I ever have. The two words that he said so sexually made me want to erase them from my memory “fuck baby”. It was replaying loudly in my head and wouldn’t seem to stop. He started slowing down and my tears started slowing down too, I realized that at this point there wasnt anything I could do. As he injected the warm cum I felt like it was never going to end, that maybe he was just going to keep going, but he didnt, he pulled out and sat in the closest chair and lit a cigarette and smiled that same smile at me, I layed there completely still and waited while he got dressed and walked out. I slowly got up and slipped back on what I was wearing suddenly wishing I had worn something different. I quietly opened up the door and what felt like one million eyes staring at me I ran out the front door without a word or anymore tears and threw up on the freshly planted winter bushes. I looked at my phone for the last time that night and saw the time was 1:49 am and so I texted Mira and told her it was time to go. 5 minutes later she came outside and asked me if I had a good time I smiled vaguely and said I was tired, she laughed and told me all about the great sex and conversations her and her boyfriend had. But I just kept my head down and mouth shut the whole walk back. I never told her. I think back on the whole night and wonder how things would have been different if I hadn’t sat down on that brown leather couch but then again people at school call me plenty of names like slut, hoe, whore and easy as cheese. Sometimes I wonder if I deserved it, but life hands you lemons everyday this one just happened to be sour.